...the hippo came at night

When I was a kid, around 5-6 years old, I went to the zoo with my family and saw a hippo for the first time in my life. Wanting to sound smart or just say something deep-ish I whispered in awe ‘That hippo has wild eyes’. To my five-year-old self it sounded very insightful. My parents thought it was hilarious and still remind me of my ‘wild-eyed hippo’ comment every now and then. Little do they know that hippos do have wild eyes. Especially if you see them at night. 

This is probably going to be a short story but sometimes short is good. So, have I told you guys the story of how I got cornered by a hippo? No, I haven’t. I know that for a fact which is why I don’t really understand why I’m even asking. The story takes place in St Lucia, South Africa. It was still our first week into the trip but we’d already seen a lot of places and been to different cities. Most of them were pretty European looking places though and I still felt like I hadn’t seen real Africa at all. That was until we arrived in St Lucia - this small, quiet town on the shore of a lake with the same name. It looked much more rustic, chaotic and exotic than any other town we’d been to so far and I loved it. 

It had been a long day when our group arrived there and we were all getting ready for the safari that was supposed to take place on the following day. As we were driving into the city I noticed two things. First, the river which was inhabited by a colony of hippos. As we drove over the bridge I saw their heads sticking out of the muddy water and got excited about seeing them up close. After the safari we were supposed to attend a short boat cruise to get even closer to them. The second thing I noticed was the sign: ‘beware of hippos at night’. 

I have to admit it sounded funny to me. It looked funny to me. Imagining a bunch of chubby hippos sneaking around in the middle of the night singing the ‘Spider-hippo’ song (which is just the Spiderman theme song with the word ‘man’ replaced with ‘hippo’… I think you all get it anyways but just in case…). Okay, I know hippos are one of the biggest killers in Africa after men and mosquitoes, but they’re just so… cute. They’re fat and have tiny little legs and tiny ears… Sure they are also big, strong and scary but they’re still… just so darn cute! 

The same night, after snapping a picture of the ‘oh-so-funny’ sign, I had an… encounter. It all started when I got a bit peckish in the evening. It was raining outside and it was already dark so I didn’t actually want to go and find a restaurant. I just wanted a light snack or something like that. There was a gas station right next to the hotel, about 50 m away from the front door so I figured I’d just run there and get like a bag of chips or something. It was a pretty solid plan. I didn’t even think about hippos at that moment. 

So, I headed down and ran through the rain to the gas station, only to discover that it was closed. Thankfully there was a tiny cafe in the same building and its doors were wide open. I stepped inside without further thought. There was a cashier behind the counter and someone in the kitchen but other than that it was completely empty. I ordered a sandwich to go and the cashier told me I would have to wait for max 5 minutes. That sounded alright with me. There was nothing to do but I could just sit for a little while and enjoy the sound of falling rain. 

As I was waiting for my sandwich I stepped toward the door and took a look outside. It was still raining and it was pretty dark outside. There were no people around and even the parking lot was completely empty except for a random hippo statue in the middle of it. 

‘That’s strange,’ I thought, ‘I don’t remember there being a hippo statue here before. Why didn’t I notice it before? Also, who the hell would put a hippo statue in the middle of a random parking lot?’

My brain froze for a second before I realised. Oh shit… that wasn’t a statue!

The moment I realised that was also the moment the hippo turned its head and took a long look at me. I felt cold panic slowly rising in the pit of my stomach. I took a few steps back and went to the counter where the cashier was minding her own business. 

‘So… In case of hippo… what should I do?’ I asked the cashier (and yes, those were my exact words).

‘Hippo?’ The cashier looked confused.

‘Yeah, there’s one in the parking lot.’

Her eyes went wide as she looked toward the place I was pointing to. She leaned over the counter to get a better look, then yelled out something to the cook in Afrikaans, then took another look at the hippo and got out her phone.

‘Oh, don’t worry: you’re safe inside. Just don’t go out right now,’ she said eventually and then promptly went to the door and started taking pictures of the animal.

Okay then. Don’t go out - that was sound advice. Especially because the hippo was right between me and the hotel so if I wanted to get back I would have to pass it pretty close. So I took a seat and waited and looked on as the casher finished taking pictures of the hippo only to be replaced by the cook who wanted his own photo evidence. I got my sandwich but it was of little comfort because I still couldn’t leave. The hippo was just standing there in one place, sometimes looking at the cafe with wild eyes and then looking into the darkness. Now, hippos are vegetarians but if they get pissed off they can wreck your shit with little effort. And they move fast. Fun fact: hippos don’t really swim but walk in the water with their feet on the bottom. So on land, where there’s no resistance from the water, they are fast and deadly and can move up to 30 km/h. That’s faster than most cars on a cobblestone road. 

I think I must have waited for maybe fifteen minutes until the hippo decided that he’d had enough of the parking lot. It stepped over the small brick wall separating the parking lot from the park next to it and took a bunch of bricks with as it did that. After it had vanished into the night there was a hippo shaped hole in the brick wall. I took it as a sign that it was time for me to leave. I grabbed my sandwich and headed to the door.

‘By the way, hippos sometimes travel in couples so just be careful - there might be another one close by,’ the cashier told me as I was leaving.

Oh great! That sounded awesome! But I was sick and tired of waiting and I just wanted to get to the hotel that had a big ass stone wall around the perimeter. I took off running and was at the door less than a minute later. I’d moved faster than expected and thankfully not encountered any other wild life. Suddenly I felt more alive than I had for a long time. It was the adrenaline, I guess. I crashed into my hotel room yelling ‘I just survived a hippo attack!!!’ even though I knew it wasn’t remotely the case.

The next time I saw the ‘Beware of hippos at night’ sign I wasn’t laughing anymore. I still stand by what I said: hippos are kind of cute. But they’re cute when they’re in the water. Far, far away from you. And preferably asleep. But something good came out of it after all: out of all the people in my travel group I have the most unique hippo experience and that’s something. 

...I went to Africa

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I bet some of you thought I’d given up my blog for good. Hah, you wish! I was just too busy with other things to take time to write. Yeah, life’s been pretty busy these past few months. But more on that later… maybe. So, many of you probably already know that I went to Africa in November. South Africa and Zimbabwe, to be precise. I guess I should give a short overview of the trip in case I ever suffer massive brain trauma and forget about it… or - more likely - in case I get old. 

When I was planning my vacation in December 2016 I was pretty excited. South Africa, man… pretty amazing, right? It was exotic and interesting and just so different from all the other countries I’ve been to. I was absolutely convinced it was going to be an amazing experience. So it was weird that I didn’t feel even a tiny bit excited when the time to leave was approaching and there was only a few days left before my vacation. My parents and friends asked me if I was excited.

‘Excited about what?’ I asked, confused.

‘About your trip! You’re going to Africa!’

‘Oh yeah… No, I’m just relieved to get some time off from work.’

No, this isn’t a rant about how I hate my job and how life as an adult is hard. It’s more a rant about how I didn’t expect work to be so… exhausting. Okay, maybe it is a rant about how being an adult is hard. Honestly, I never knew how tired a person can get when they have no rest for almost 11 months. I like being a physio, but I do have to admit it’s not always easy. So yeah, I wasn’t super excited about my trip, even though I knew I should have been. I was just so happy to get out of Estonia for a little while. 

The trip itself was a group thing - the travel agent composed a group of about thirty people, sent us a schedule and handled all the bookings and tickets and such. In a way it was very convenient but at the same time I’m not really a group person. I like to take my time, decide on where I want to go, what I want to eat and where I want to stay on my own. I really dislike sitting in the bus all day, passing towns that seem super interesting and never having a chance to explore. Still, I was going to South Africa and I figured it’d be safer to move in a herd. 

The trip lasted for 17 days - I left work on Friday at lunch and headed straight to the airport. Two long-ass flights later I was already in Cape Town. I think it was maybe around noon on Saturday that we arrived. The flight to Istanbul was quite short and nice but from Istanbul to Cape Town it took us about 10 hours. Oh well, I’ve had worse. 

The first few days that I spent in South Africa were… strange. Sure enough the weather was nice, the climate was different but… I didn’t feel like I was in Africa. Everything looked too… European. I guess it’s the case in a lot of former colonies: there are some towns and cities that just look like Europe because the colonisers decided that going native was too far beneath them. ‘What do you mean it’s more practical to live in a wooden house? I want my straw roof and white stone walls, goddamnit! And let’s have a tulip garden right in front of the house. What do you mean ‘tulips don’t grow in the savannah?! We’ll make them grow!’ No, but really. The old Dutch towns in the wine district were just so… Dutch that if it hadn’t been for the weather I would have though that I’d boarded the wrong plane. 

The scenery was different though. I started to love our long bus rides because it gave me the chance to see so much of the country. At first we saw the wineries and orchards and the beautiful light-coloured mansions between the grape fields, then we entered the savannah and saw the dry bushes and red dirt on rolling hills that seemed to go on forever. There were mountains covered in green and others that were just red rock, there were dry riverbeds and burnt forests and wide open fields with absolutely nothing but a single small house in the middle of it. It was different and almost romantic, like something you’d read about in one of those old books written back when most African countries were still colonies. 

Okay, before I go on another rant, I should try to keep my focus. So, the first days of my trip were… not disappointing but not exactly what I expected Africa to be. I still remembered how my friends and family told me to be careful when I go there because there was a lot of crime in Africa - and there I was, walking around town in the middle of the night in South Africa and there was not one person around… and everything was so clean, so safe, so cozy. It was hard to believe I was really in Africa. 

That was until we made our way to Kruger National Park. Okay, St.Lucia was pretty close to the 'real Africa' as well but that's gonna be another story. So, Kruger National Park is the one of the biggest in Africa and our hotel was in the middle of it. Maybe not straight in the middle but it was on park grounds. It was strange, driving to our hotel on a small dusty road - not even a gravel road but more of a sand road - and seeing small houses in the middle of the dry trees and even signs with street names. Gemsbok Avenue? It was barely a road! There were warthogs and kudus and impalas on the side of the road and sometimes our progress was slowed due to the fact that some random animals decided to graze on the 'road'. It was hot as hell, around 36-38 degrees, and there was no air. Our hotel didn't have a fence around the grounds - there was a small wooden one separating the restaurant terrace from the forest but that was about it - but there were helpful signs telling you 'Not to walk around during nighttime because of the wildlife'. Okay, that was reassuring... 

We had to wake up at 4 am in Kruger to go to our safari. It was our second one - the first one had been in Tsitsikamma National Park and it had been a long, quite chilly trip on a rainy day that left us frozen and even a bit underwhelmed. The Kruger safari, however, was what I've always imagined a real safari to be like: the hot air blowing through the car, the sun shining in our faces and all the animals just lazily heading toward the nearest body of water. We saw at least four or five elephant herds, buffalos, rhinos, lions and cheetahs. We even saw a small pack of lions on a hunt - they didn't catch the impala they were encircling but it was amazing to see how a hunt looks like in nature. 

Now, I've seen lions and elephants before - most of us have, in a zoo somewhere. But that doesn't compare to seeing the animal in nature. Even if it is far away, even if you can only tell that it's an animal by the way it moves, even then the effect is different. It feels more real. More tangible. You're just a passerby and these animals don't give a damn about you. They are living their lives while you sit in your tiny moving cage and look out at them. 

There are a few interesting things I learned about animals during my trip. First of all, I realised that elephants basically move in slow motion. They're like the popular kids in a high school movie. They don't really move that slowly but since they're so big and kind of slow it just looks like it. Another thing I realised is that crocodiles can climb. Not trees or anything like that but they can climb up a pretty steep slope with relative ease. So if you ever see a crocodile in nature you're probably already dead. Oh, and they also eat their own kind so you know they're cold, heartless bastards. Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on hippos! They... okay, I'll leave that one for later. 

The last three days of our trip would take us to Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe. Interesting fact though: one day before we were supposed to leave for Zimbabwe there was a military coup in the country. The long-reigning president/dictator was imprisoned in his house, the First Lady fled the country and a lot of the members of the reigning political party were arrested. We found this out while we were heading to visit a diamond mine in South Africa. The guide told us that the coup had been peaceful: the people of Zimbabwe wanted a change and were happy with the turn of events. Still, there was a real chance of civil war breaking out if the president refused to resign. And during a civil war all the airports would be shut down... So in short, there was a possibility that if we went to Zimbabwe we might not be able to return.

I was... worried, to say the least. I wanted to go to Victoria Falls - it's one of the natural wonders of the world and I had a once in a lifetime chance to see it - but there was this annoying twisting in my stomach that told me it was a baaaaad idea. The guide reassured us that there was a very small chance that anything would happen to us... but if we did go we would have to take full responsibility. They did offer us a chance to stay in Johannesburg for the remaining three days but the travel company would not reimburse us for the hotel room or offer us any activities. So, the choices were: go to Zimbabwe and hope for the best or stay in Johannesburg and be broke and bored. I chose option A... because so did everyone else and I figured that even if I ended up stuck in Zimbabwe I wouldn't have to go to work on Monday so it wasn't all bad. Hey, maybe I could even set up a private practice in Zimbabwe and offer physiotherapy to the oh-so-rich Zimbabweans. 

I think going to Victoria Falls was the best choice I made during the entire trip. It was absolutely amazing! The Falls itself was magnificent but it wasn't the only thing. I also had my very first helicopter ride, over Victoria Falls and it was something else. In the evening we had a boat cruise on the Zambezi and while I was sitting there, enjoying a cold beer and looking at the sunset I felt at ease, happy and well rested. In the back of my mind I knew that I was in a country that was considered 'unstable' by our foreign ministry but looking at the smiling locals and beautiful wilderness I realised that maybe Europeans are just too neurotic for their own good. Also, I felt somewhat special knowing that I was in Zimbabwe during a historical moment. Years and years from now I could sit at a dinner table with my friends and/or family and go: 'Remember when Mugabe's regime was overthrown? I was there.' And someone would look at me and say: 'What are you talking about? I just wanted to know if you want some more potatoes or no. Also, who the hell is Mugabe?' And I would roll my eyes and go 'philistines!' and someone would say 'I don't think that word means what you think it means...'. 

Long story short, I really enjoyed Zimbabwe. Victoria Falls was small, cute and very, very... Africa. There is no other way of putting it. It wasn't like a typical big city - those are the same all around - it had its own look, its own personality. The hotel was an amazing gargantuan building that looked very high end... until you saw the baboons hanging out on your balcony and the sign next to the pond saying 'This is a natural body of water. Please do not enter it as there might be a habitat fish and small crocodiles.' Small crocodiles, eh? What's stopping them from entering the pool just two meters to the left of the pond? I think Zimbabwe was my favourite part of the whole trip just because it was so relaxed, so warm and so... natural. It left a great impression and maybe, one day I will... Okay, I probably won't go back anytime soon (read: ever) but I'm glad I was there. And I'm glad I didn't get malaria. That's also a good thing. 

There are probably a few other stories from Africa that I want to share but for now I'll wrap things up. Can't have this rant going on for too long - otherwise nobody will want to read this (although I still have no idea why or even if people read this). Oh yeah, and since its the season for travelling I might have some other stories soon...ish. Soonish... Like, next year... maybe.