You know how they say that the full moon brings out all the loonies? Yeah, they're not kidding. This happened ages ago when I was still working in the quaint little bar called Zavood. I was young, naive and believed in the kindness of my fellow men. Oh wait... no I didn't. I was already cynical and embittered. Also, not that young. But I digress.
The night started off slowly. We opened at 7 pm and the first half an hour flew by without anyone stepping in. So far so good. We chatted a bit, made sure everything was in order and put on our favorite playlist. And waited... and waited... I think we'd been open for almost an hour when our first customers stepped in. They were two guys, maybe in their late thirties or mid forties and they looked like... a lot of our customers: not the healthiest or wealthiest individuals... Okay, they looked like bums. Their clothes were well worn, they looked kind of dirty and one of them was carrying a ragged green...ish backpack. Something seemed... off about them... but something seemed off about most of our customers. They stepped up to the counter and the first guy, looking slightly nervous and a bit out of it, went:
'Can we... uh... get something to drink?'
'Well, this is a bar so sure. What do you want?'
'What do you have?'
'...Umm... There's a drink menu right in front of you... and the special offers are written on the blackboard right next to you...'
'Oh, right. Do you guys have beer?'
It's funny how often I had to hear stupid questions like that but I never really got used to it. As I tried my hardest to suppress a snarky response, the guy ordering went:
'We'll have two beers.'
Great... You know, I'm sure there are bars that only offer one type of beer but I can't imagine they're that common. I mean, if you're not sure what brand you want, you should at least specify if you want light or dark beer. This wasn't the first time someone had ordered just 'beer' but it still annoyed me. Still, it could have been worse. I once had a guy order 'alcohol'. No, I'm not even kidding - he just came up to me and asked if he could have alcohol.
'What kind of beer?' I asked, trying not to look too bitchy.
'And fries. Two sets of fries,' the guy continued.
'Okay, but what kind of beer?'
'You guys have fries, right?'
'Yes, we do, but what kind of beer do you want?'
'Beer? Oh yes, beer! That one!' he said pointing to a tap.
Okay, great. So two sets of fries and two random beers. I went to the tap and started pouring out the beers when the other guy finally opened his mouth and went:
'We just got released from the institution. We haven't had a woman in six months.'
...
.....
........
Okay then! That was... more than I wanted to know. I exchanged a panicked look with my roomie Terje who looked just as weirded out as I was.
'Oh yeah,' the other guy added, 'We were in the mental institution. Just got out today.'
'Haven't had a woman in six months,' the first one repeated.
Great! Just great! The night was off to a wonderful start! I should have known something was wrong with these guys from the moment they stepped into the bar. Both of them had crazy-eyes.
'You wouldn't know where we could find some... friendly ladies, would you?' one of the guys asked while looking around as if searching for something.
'Well, if you wait around long enough I'm sure you'll find someone,' Terje replied darkly.
That was... probably true. Our bar was the sleaziest place in town - or at least this part of town - and even bums and lunatics had a chance to get lucky... with other bums and lunatics of course but nonetheless...
After getting them their beers we both went to the back room to get the fries going and discuss what just happened. It was weird, a bit scary but most of all just plain creepy. I didn't feel threatened but I sure as hell didn't feel like hanging out with them. So we just did our jobs, finished preparing the fries and brought them out and for a while everything was okay... until one of the guys showed up at the counter and went:
'Oh hey, by the way, we also want two sets of fries.'
I was confused. 'Uh, another two sets of fries? But you just got your first ones.'
'We did? Where are they?'
'Uh... at your table? We brought you your fries like two minutes ago.'
'Oh, those are ours?'
...
.....
........
This was just getting better and better. Apparently they thought that we'd just brought them two random plates that were meant for someone else (even though they were the only customers) - just to taunt them I guess. I have no idea what they were thinking but they settled down after we explained that yes, they can eat the fries sitting at their table. And no, they didn't have to pay for them again. Because they had forgotten they'd done that already.
So a few moments go by and they are still the only customers, sitting alone in their dark corner and doing god knows what. I was just hanging out with my roomie, doing nothing in particular, just chatting and killing time. For some reason I needed to do something in the kitchen so I disappeared for a moment. Two seconds later I hear yelling and swearing from the main room.
I rushed out and in the short amount of time that I was in the back something had gone terribly awry. One of the loony guys was on the ground, curled up in a fetal position, and the other guy was just relentlessly kicking him while swearing at him. My roommate was yelling at him to stop and frantically pushing the panic button under the counter. The next few minutes passed in a blur. I remember a lot of cursing and yelling and us trying to pull the two guys apart while simultaneously trying to stay out of harm's way. I don't know how it happened but somehow we managed to calm down the both of them and help the beaten guy up. His face was bloody so we gave him a few tissues to clean himself up, gave him some water and soon enough he and his friend were on speaking terms again. Sadly, we weren't. Terje and I were way past the point of being weirded out - now we were scared and pissed off. Scared because these guys were obviously unpredictable and possibly dangerous. And pissed off because we had pushed the panic button like twenty minutes ago and no one was showing up to our aid. There were supposed to be security guards showing up as soon as we pushed the button but apparently they were all busy or something. So we were stuck with two dangerous lunatics. At a certain point we contemplated calling the cops because we did not want these guys around - god knows what could've happened if one of them got angry again - but then, twenty-five minutes after the incident, two bored-looking guards walked in.
'What seems to be the problem here?'
Really? That's what they were going with? We explained the situation to them, adding that it had solved itself almost half an hour ago, and asked them to escort the lunatics out. They didn't seem too happy about it, mumbling something about the guys 'not hurting anyone anymore' but we weren't having them and a few minutes later we were rid of the two creepy guys.
That wasn't the end of it though. It took them a few hours but at one point the guys came back. Apparently one of them had lost their backpack and was certain we had stolen it. We didn't play around anymore and went for the panic button as soon as they walked in. This time the security guards were quicker to respond and escorted them back out just five minutes after they'd arrived. But then they came back - the loonies with the guards in tow. The crazy guy was certain we had his bag and wanted to look around some more. We let him for a little bit because this time he was accompanied by the security guy. The latter got tired of the crazy-man's antics pretty soon and dragged him out again after they had taken a little tour of the main room. We didn't have his backpack. Never found out what happened to it, but I was pretty pissed that he had the gall to accuse us of stealing it.
The rest of the night was... not as insane but still pretty crazy. There was the vertically challenged man who gave me the PIN-number for his credit card because... why not? Apparently it was easier for me to punch it in than for him... And there were a few other fights but thankfully they were only verbal. And when the night had ended and we were cleaning up I realized that someone had lifted a table onto one of the couches. Why? Well, why not. Because they could, I guess.
I can safely say that this was the craziest night out of all the nights I worked. I blame the full moon. It brings out some weird people... But then again, it was incredibly beautiful when I was walking home in the morning. To be fair, working in that bar wasn't all bad. I did love to walk home in the early mornings when everyone else was still sleeping. It was always so quiet and calm... But I would never work nights again. Ever. It is the worst. I sometimes still look back and wonder how I survived that insane period of my life... Oh well, at least I have some interesting stories to tell and I'm richer by the experience...
Great! Just great! The night was off to a wonderful start! I should have known something was wrong with these guys from the moment they stepped into the bar. Both of them had crazy-eyes.
'You wouldn't know where we could find some... friendly ladies, would you?' one of the guys asked while looking around as if searching for something.
'Well, if you wait around long enough I'm sure you'll find someone,' Terje replied darkly.
That was... probably true. Our bar was the sleaziest place in town - or at least this part of town - and even bums and lunatics had a chance to get lucky... with other bums and lunatics of course but nonetheless...
After getting them their beers we both went to the back room to get the fries going and discuss what just happened. It was weird, a bit scary but most of all just plain creepy. I didn't feel threatened but I sure as hell didn't feel like hanging out with them. So we just did our jobs, finished preparing the fries and brought them out and for a while everything was okay... until one of the guys showed up at the counter and went:
'Oh hey, by the way, we also want two sets of fries.'
I was confused. 'Uh, another two sets of fries? But you just got your first ones.'
'We did? Where are they?'
'Uh... at your table? We brought you your fries like two minutes ago.'
'Oh, those are ours?'
...
.....
........
This was just getting better and better. Apparently they thought that we'd just brought them two random plates that were meant for someone else (even though they were the only customers) - just to taunt them I guess. I have no idea what they were thinking but they settled down after we explained that yes, they can eat the fries sitting at their table. And no, they didn't have to pay for them again. Because they had forgotten they'd done that already.
So a few moments go by and they are still the only customers, sitting alone in their dark corner and doing god knows what. I was just hanging out with my roomie, doing nothing in particular, just chatting and killing time. For some reason I needed to do something in the kitchen so I disappeared for a moment. Two seconds later I hear yelling and swearing from the main room.
I rushed out and in the short amount of time that I was in the back something had gone terribly awry. One of the loony guys was on the ground, curled up in a fetal position, and the other guy was just relentlessly kicking him while swearing at him. My roommate was yelling at him to stop and frantically pushing the panic button under the counter. The next few minutes passed in a blur. I remember a lot of cursing and yelling and us trying to pull the two guys apart while simultaneously trying to stay out of harm's way. I don't know how it happened but somehow we managed to calm down the both of them and help the beaten guy up. His face was bloody so we gave him a few tissues to clean himself up, gave him some water and soon enough he and his friend were on speaking terms again. Sadly, we weren't. Terje and I were way past the point of being weirded out - now we were scared and pissed off. Scared because these guys were obviously unpredictable and possibly dangerous. And pissed off because we had pushed the panic button like twenty minutes ago and no one was showing up to our aid. There were supposed to be security guards showing up as soon as we pushed the button but apparently they were all busy or something. So we were stuck with two dangerous lunatics. At a certain point we contemplated calling the cops because we did not want these guys around - god knows what could've happened if one of them got angry again - but then, twenty-five minutes after the incident, two bored-looking guards walked in.'What seems to be the problem here?'
Really? That's what they were going with? We explained the situation to them, adding that it had solved itself almost half an hour ago, and asked them to escort the lunatics out. They didn't seem too happy about it, mumbling something about the guys 'not hurting anyone anymore' but we weren't having them and a few minutes later we were rid of the two creepy guys.
That wasn't the end of it though. It took them a few hours but at one point the guys came back. Apparently one of them had lost their backpack and was certain we had stolen it. We didn't play around anymore and went for the panic button as soon as they walked in. This time the security guards were quicker to respond and escorted them back out just five minutes after they'd arrived. But then they came back - the loonies with the guards in tow. The crazy guy was certain we had his bag and wanted to look around some more. We let him for a little bit because this time he was accompanied by the security guy. The latter got tired of the crazy-man's antics pretty soon and dragged him out again after they had taken a little tour of the main room. We didn't have his backpack. Never found out what happened to it, but I was pretty pissed that he had the gall to accuse us of stealing it.
The rest of the night was... not as insane but still pretty crazy. There was the vertically challenged man who gave me the PIN-number for his credit card because... why not? Apparently it was easier for me to punch it in than for him... And there were a few other fights but thankfully they were only verbal. And when the night had ended and we were cleaning up I realized that someone had lifted a table onto one of the couches. Why? Well, why not. Because they could, I guess.
I can safely say that this was the craziest night out of all the nights I worked. I blame the full moon. It brings out some weird people... But then again, it was incredibly beautiful when I was walking home in the morning. To be fair, working in that bar wasn't all bad. I did love to walk home in the early mornings when everyone else was still sleeping. It was always so quiet and calm... But I would never work nights again. Ever. It is the worst. I sometimes still look back and wonder how I survived that insane period of my life... Oh well, at least I have some interesting stories to tell and I'm richer by the experience...
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