...it was cold outside

Okay, to be honest, I was actually planning to write about my trip to Singapore (and I probably will at some point) but then Winter came and I realised I needed to address something more pressing first. Namely, my deep hatred for snow. And the season in general. I think I just need to get it off my chest before I have an aneurysm out of sheer anger: I hate Winter (especially in Estonia)! 'But Grete, you hate everything!' I hear some of you point out. Not true! I hate most things! Not everything! I love puppies and horses and most animals (except monkeys, they can just suck it) and pizza. I'm not a monster, you guys. But out of all the seasons, I think Estonian Winter is the worst! And I'll explain why that is in a short while.
When I was a kid I didn't mind Winter that much. I guess I just didn't understand how bad it was. Used to be that the Fall was my least favourite season - until I realised that I actually like dark, rainy, chilly days. They're great for watching horror movies and I am a huge horror fan (see, I like some things!). So yeah, I changed my mind about the Fall and even started to anticipate it a bit... And that's when I came to the conclusion that while Fall made for great horror movie weather, Winter was a horror movie... and not a good one either. Winter is the kind of apocalyptic horror movie where everything is dark and bleak, someone has to eat their own leg to survive and in the end everyone in the world dies... because of global warming or a nuclear war or something. There is no hope. No chance of escape. It's just nonstop torture from start to finish.
I don't get people who love winter. 'Oh, everything looks so beautiful and clean when it's covered in snow and the air is so cool and crisp and we can build snowmen and go skiing and sledding and...' Are you people insane?! It's like saying 'oh, I love having the stomach flu because I lose so much weight and feel so light afterwards'. Yeah, that's because you've spent a week throwing up until your eyes popped out of your head! No, but really, Winter is terrible! Everything looks bright and clean? Are you blind?! The roads are a mess of brown sludge, as are the sidewalks. Drive a white car and you'll be washing that bitch every freaking week! Oh, except you can't because it's completely pointless and it's too cold outside anyway! So you'll be driving in your mud-caked trash wagon for the whole Winter! Oh, and what about your boots? Take a stroll outside and you'll be dealing with salt lines on leather and puddles of melted sludge in your hallway. Have fun cleaning that up EVERY SINGLE TIME ANYONE COMES IN! Yeah, that is loads of fun.
Speaking of walking, you know how many people fall in Winter and break something? A LOT! Every single day some old lady steps outside to get groceries and shatters her pelvis. Because of snow! Or ice! Or both! People get hurt in the Winter! They break stuff! Does that sound like a lovely time? You know what's really fun? When the sidewalks are covered in ice and then it snows just enough to cover the ice with a soft thin layer so you think you're walking on snow but when you actually take a step forward there's this whoosh!-sound and you wind up on your ass, the air knocked out of you. Or when it's really cold and really windy and the wind kinda polishes the ice so that you could pretty much skate on the sidewalk. Yeah, that's loads of fun! Oh, and let's not forget the fun game of 'Where do I step to avoid breaking my face?' - the guessing game for the whole family where you try to traverse an ice-covered sidewalk without faceplanting and breaking your nose. Sometimes you have to step into the road to pass a particularly difficult spot, sometime you'll have to walk in the wall of snow by the side of the road and sometimes you pretty much just have to hold on to a random streetlight to turn the corner. And everybody walks like a penguin. Don't get me wrong, penguins are cute and all, but it gets really tedious when you're in a hurry and you can only hobble along like a limp panda.
Don't even get me started on going out in general! Just going to the store is a freaking expedition! Want to pop out for a moment? Make sure you put on at least five layers of clothes just to avoid freezing! Going to work is even worse: first I put on my normal underwear, then my winter leggings, then pants, a shirt, a sweater, two pairs of socks, boots, winter coat, scarf and two pairs of gloves. Then I get to work and I have to take off the jacket, scarf, gloves, boots, socks, pants, leggings, sweater and shirt so that I can change into my work clothes. And when I leave I have to do all of that again. Over and over again. Every. Single. Day. So much fun, especially when I'm already late for work in the morning because the bus takes longer than usual to get there.
Which brings me to my main issue: driving. Who doesn't love excavating their car in the morning after it's snowed for the whole night? Oh, and scraping off the ice from the windshield - fun for you and your neighbors who are trying to get some sleep at 6 in the morning! Isn't it just lovely spending half an hour in the freezing snow, trying to make your car even remotely safe to drive? No? But I thought you guys loved winter! Even when your car doors are frozen shut and the battery dies and no matter how much time you spend scraping the ice off the windows, there is still that one spot that annoyingly obstructs your view as soon as you get in and start driving.
Aaaaaaaaaand the driving... A few weeks ago I had to drive to work on my own. Now, I don't work in the same town I live in so I have to drive to work for about an hour on the highway. Usually I take the bus but that morning I had other plans after work so it made more sense to take the car. Unfortunately it had snowed the whole night and the day before, meaning there was a thick layer of snow on the road. It was super early when I started moving, meaning the plows hadn't cleared the highway yet. And that meant that I spent more than an hour driving about 70-80 km/h (in a 90 km/h area) on a dark, winding road, fearing for my life. There were moments I realized I had little to no control over my car and that one wrong move could send me into the ditch. Oh yeah, and I was also driving a coworker to work so I had to try to keep a straight face while my mind was going 'We're gonna diiiiiiie! Jesus, take the wheel!' every time I had to go through a curve. There was one moment I did lose control over the car and for a little bit it slid around like a buttered seal in a bowling alley. I was almost sure I was going to end up on the side of the road, stuck in a ditch. Honestly, it was a miracle I managed to stay on the road because it definitely wasn't skill. I take the bus now but even that is terrifying at times. I try to get some sleep every time I take it, not because I'm particularly tired but because every time I open my eyes and see what's going on outside, a part of me dies and I almost feel my hair turning prematurely gray.
Let's face it: driving in the Winter is dangerous as fuck! People wreck their cars, people get hurt and people die! 'But that happens any time!' you might say, but let's face it: it's worse in the Winter. One small mistake and you're gone (not like dead gone but gone off road for sure). Drive too fast? You're in a ditch. Try to pass someone? Ditch. Break too suddenly? Yup, ditch. And let's not forget about blizzards. Those happen, remember? It is way too easy to crash, simply because you have much less control over your vehicle. You can do everything right but if the weather turns and you can't see where you're going, it will result in something exceedingly horrible.
So, to sum up why I hate Winter: it's difficult to take a walk, horrible to drive, impossible to go jogging, it's cold, muddy, dark, it takes way too long to get dressed, way too long to get anywhere and it lasts for waaaaaaay too long. I'm sure some of you disagree. 'But it's so beautiful when the sun comes out!' Yeah, and how often does that happen? No, really? How many days in a month? Because I can't remember a single sunny day in December last year. Also, when the sun is out, it's also cold. Super cold. 'But what about winter sports? Skiing, skating, snowboarding! And don't you want to build a snowman?' No! I do not want to build a freaking snowman! And how often do you people do any of those things? Once a week, every week? Do you really? And for how long? A few hours before you get too cold and have to go inside again. And there are skating rinks. Just saying. 'But what about Christmas?' Yeah, I like Christmas too but you don't have to have snow to enjoy it! A 'White Christmas' sounds good on paper but if that's the only way you can get into the mood then apparently you're doing Christmas wrong. Get some friends or spend some time with your family, you snowfreaks! 'But do you really want a cold, rainy Winter?' Yes. Honestly, I would be okay with that. Yeah, it wouldn't look good but at least I wouldn't lose 10% of my lifespan every time I drive. So, moral of the story is... Actually there is no moral. I just wanted to vent. Winter sucks, clear and simple. If you think otherwise, you either haven't experienced Estonian Hellwinter or you're unbelievably optimistic to the point it's almost ridiculous.