...I almost died kayaking

'Let's go kayaking!' they said. 'It'll be fun!' they said.

Oh yes. Fun. Because nothing says 'fun' like almost getting crushed by a kayak while you're trying to land in the storm of the century. Ok, I'm being dramatic here but it was pretty damn bad.

So this happened... uh... a while ago. The year was 2015, the place: Polihale, Kauai. I was visiting one of my best friends in the whole wide world. And by visiting I mean I was crashing at her place like the useless mooch I am. Anyhoo, Mary (my dear, patient Hawaiian friend) wanted me to have to complete Hawaii experience and I thought I might as well go along with it. Those who really know me know that I'm a lazy person who doesn't really get out of her comfort zone too often so having a friend who gives me a little push from time to time is a good thing. That being said, I was a bit nervous when the idea of kayaking was first put forth.

Me and the ocean... we don't really get along. I'm Estonian for crying out loud! I hadn't even seen the ocean until... uh... I don't even know. Until I was 22 maybe? The Baltic Sea is basically a big lake and the Mediterranean Sea is just that: a sea. The first time I truly saw the ocean was in Japan and that didn't happen until I was 22. Sure, I'd seen the Atlantic when I was visiting Gibraltar but... that hardly counts. My point is: the ocean scares me. It is big and strange and I don't know what to expect from it. Swimming in the ocean is pretty cool, to be honest – just floating on the waves without a care in the world... But kayaking means getting far from the shore, being on a tiny piece of floating plastic in the mercy of the waves... and I'm not a strong swimmer. Still, when would I have another chance to go kayaking on the ocean? When in Rome and all that...

So one fine day me, Mary, her mom and Caitlin got two kayaks and headed to the north shore to do this amazing kayak tour. We were planning to head west, spend a night on a beach that is only accessible by kayak or a crazy long (and dangerous hike) and then head to Polihale, which is on the west side. It was a great plan! We had snacks, drinks, music and all we needed. Everything was set. We got our kayaks into the water... and half an hour later we got them out of the water. The weather was getting a bit sketchy and one of our kayaks was way slower than the other one (paddles vs pedals = pedals always win). So we decided to head back home, get to the west side by car and then head out the next morning to maybe find some dolphins. It worked for me because that meant spending less time on the ocean. I wasn't too crazy about the idea of swimming with dolphins (yes, I know they're basically the angels of the ocean with their cutesy and human-rescuing ways but they're still sea creatures and those always freak me out) but I was willing to give it a try.

The next morning we headed out and after the initial shock of actually being out on the ocean on a tiny boat-like thing, I was actually starting to feel good about it. The water was like glass – completely still and tranquil – and the weather was just perfect. We had music, drinks and we even saw a sea turtle surface right next to our kayaks (and yes, it still freaked me out a bit – I just naturally assume everything in the ocean is out to get me). The cliffs on the west side are just gorgeous and the view was amazing. I don't even know how long we were out there but I was getting really into it. Sure, my legs were beginning to feel a bit tired but everything else was just perfect. After a few hours (?) of touring the coast it was time to head back so we turned our kayaks around and headed toward the beach.

And then everything went to hell. First the wind picked up. Then came the waves. And the dark clouds. And rain. And did I mention the waves? Because they were pretty damn big! And we were on tiny plastic floats miles away from the beach. Okay, I'm being dramatic again but that was what it seemed like. I could see the beach in the distance, yes, but I knew that if the kayak would tip right then and there there was no way I could make my way to the shore. Like I said: I'm not a strong swimmer. And with those waves I knew I wouldn't make it. And the worst part? Waves get bigger the closer they get to the shore so we couldn't even kayak closer to the beach.

What did we do then? Well, we spent a bit of time going in circles, trying to find a good place to land, waiting for a lull or even trying to weather this storm. But as minutes ticked by we were getting more and more restless. The waves were getting bigger and all of us, even the most experienced kayakers, were starting to panic. We got through another big set and then decided to go for it. The waiting was just making things worse and we figured that if even if we did tip, we would at least get closer to the beach – maybe close enough to swim to shore.

So we turned our noses toward the shore and went for it. Paddling and pedalling like crazy. I could feel the muscles in my legs cramping up but I didn't dare to give my legs even a moment of rest. I was pedalling for my life and at the same time I could hear Mary's mom, the most experienced kayaker, in the other kayak going 'Oh shit! Oh shit, Mary! We're not going to make it! Oh shit!'. That had me... slightly worried.

While we were heading toward the shore I realized that two of our most experienced kayakers were in one kayak and me and Caitlin, both rookies at this, were in the other one. I'm sure there was a reason behind this state of affairs but in hindsight it just seems... strange? Mary and her mom were in front of us and we saw them land. They tipped, sure enough, but managed to jump out of the kayak just a split second before and they were already on the beach so everything was okay. Me and Caitlin were up next.

We had discarded the pedals and were paddling toward the shore. We were so close. I started to believe that we just might make it without tipping. The beach was just a few meters away and we were moving so fast! And then... It might be my imagination but I swear I saw the look of horror on the faces of everyone standing on the beach... and I knew something was off.

And then the world tipped and I was underwater. I felt the waves pushing me down until I could feel sand under my back... and then I could feel the kayak on top of me, trying to pin me down. For a moment a part of me realized that this could end badly. Kayaks can be pretty heavy and my head was underwater... Did I see my life flash before my eyes? Nope, not at all. I just pushed the kayak away.

I was almost on the shore but the water was still deep enough that I could make my way out from under the kayak and get up. As soon as I poked my head out of the water I could hear people screaming on the shore: 'Get them out of there! Get them out!' The next few moments were a blur. I had no idea what had happened with my paddle – it wasn't in my hands anymore – and the kayak was just abandoned as me and Caitlin ran to the shore, out of the waves. We got onto solid ground and I think some of the people on the shore helped us drag our kayaks out of the waves. The next thing I know we were all hugging each other and laughing and I realized that the others must have been just as scared as I was.

I don't know how we managed to get all our stuff out of the waves. What matters is that about five minutes after we had landed the sky cleared and the storm was over. The ocean was nice and calm again as if nothing had happened. God damn you, ocean! You can never trust it, I guess. Well, at least I have a good story to tell about the time I almost died – and a good excuse not to go kayaking the next time someone invites me. Not to say that I will never kayak again. I might. I don't know yet. But I did learn something important that day: the ocean wants you dead. No joke. It is an evil thing that's out to get you and you'd better not mess with it. It wants your blood. But other than that its pretty...