...my little black dress became my undoing

The other day I was walking back from the store when I passed a woman in a white dress. The woman had platinum blonde hair, tons of make-up on and the dress had a zipper in the front that went all the way down. 'Wow!' I thought, 'that dress is kind of slutty. Or really slutty. Why would any self-respecting woman wear...' And then I remembered and my thoughts turned to 'oh... riiiiight...'

For those who don't know, I have a little black dress. It's a great dress! Not too short, not too long, nothing too fancy – the perfect dress to wear to parties. Only problem? It has a zipper in the front... that goes all the way down. It's not a decorative zipper either. That's how I get it on and off: I put it on as I would a jacket and zip it up. That's part of the reason I actually bought the dress: it was so easy to put on and take off. No worries about deodorant stains, no messing up my hair, I could slip into it in two seconds. It was great! And it looked cute and comfy so I made up my mind in no time. But I forgot one glaring flaw the dress had: it had a ZIPPER in the FRONT.

For a little while I was pretty happy with my dress. I didn't have many chances to wear it but when I did I felt great. Until I decided to go clubbing in it. You know what's a really bad idea? Wearing a dress with a zipper in the front around drunk people. Drunk people who tend to get mischievous and just want to see the world burn. I learned that the hard way.

This happened a while ago, when I was still living in Nagoya. A bunch of us decided to go to our favourite club one night and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to wear my zipper-dress. After all, what could go wrong! I faintly remember getting ready with my friends and Mary saying something along the lines of: 'You know I'm gonna try to unzip that dress, right?' And I remember laughing at that. Because really! I'm used to my friends jokingly threatening me like that. There was no way she was seriously considering that.

To be honest, I don't think she was completely serious when she said it. But it's easy to forget yourself when you're in a nightclub, the music pumping, people dancing and the beat coursing through your body. It's like being transported into another world. Whenever I'm clubbing I lose sense of what's real – I'm in my own little dance bubble and nothing else exists. Granted, the music has to be good for that to happen and I have to be with the right people. That night everything was in its place. I was with my friends, the music was awesome (I couldn't for the life of me tell you what songs they were playing but I remember really getting into it) and I was just feeling it.

And then I felt someone grab the zipper in front of my dress and pull it down. I'm pretty sure I let out a loud yelp but thankfully nobody could hear it over the blaring music. I didn't have time to give Mary my best death glare because I was too busy trying to pull the zipper back up. I'm sure she was laughing... Thankfully she hadn't managed to pull the zipper all the way down – just until my belly-button – so it wasn't that difficult to get it up. And since we'd been dancing in a circle with the other girls I'm pretty sure that the club wasn't aware of me involuntarily flashing them. I got the zipper back up in no time but that wasn't the end of it. Before I could react Mary had grabbed the hem of my dress and yanked it up, exposing way too much of my thigh to the gazes of any and all onlookers. Exasperated, I bent down to cover myself which is when Mary went to the zipper again. I stumbled back like a cat with a bag over its head – confused, shocked and hilariously helpless – as I was trying my best to avoid losing my dress completely.

Mary was having the time of her life laughing at me and she wasn't the only one. I'm pretty sure the other girls had a good laugh too. I can't remember the exact conversation we had when we were going back home but I'm pretty sure it went something like:

'I can't believe you did that!'

'Come on, you were asking for it!'

'No, I wasn't!'

'You're wearing a dress with a zipper in front!'

'...'

Well, I guess this is the part where I could've gone all feminist on her ass and raged about choice and the right to wear what I want without having to fear sexual harassment but... I was wearing a zipper-dress... I mean, I know I was not asking for someone to unzip me but... There's a time and a place for certain kind of clothing and if you, for example, wear a giant kick me sign around tipsy people, you can't really be mad when someone actually kicks you. Can you? I can already hear dozens of feminists going 'Yes, you can!'. But I choose not to be mad. I made my choice and had to deal with the consequences. Moral of the story: don't wear a zipper-dress in a nightclub. Actually, don't wear a zipper-dress anywhere. Don't even own a zipper-dress. It only brings trouble!

So, did I get rid of my zipper-dress after that incident? Nope, far from it. I've worn it plenty of times since. Why, when I know it tempts people to do crazy things? Hey, I payed good money for that dress and by god, I'm gonna wear it! Also, I still think it's kind of cute... and really comfy... And what are the odds of any of my friends pulling a stunt like that again?